The Very Next Word

Housebound and stranded between a mix of too cold or too wet. I hide in a room of uninspired thoughts wasting time on social media. Eating it up like so much junk food. Since the holidays my brain has been everywhere. Floating between thoughts of remaining the same or reevaluating everything. Weekends don’t often go as planned, at least not for me. I just freakin’ think too damn much, either carefully navigating every thought or I’m spouting out the most inappropriate thing I can say. Conversation used to come so easy to me, now I feel like I must judge and weigh every word I say.

For over a week I’ve struggled with my words. More than anything it’s probably due to the amount of travelling and conversation I’ve had to carry on. Between a weekend with friends and old haunts, to a week of non-stop driving to a major medical center. I guess I’m just physically and mentally worn out. I used to hang with the best of them, but apparently my age and current condition are finally overtaking the demands I have to face. As much as I desire getting away from the isolation of home. Often the pure strain just being there, turns a promised stay into a struggle for peace. 

Again, I sit here with a thousand and one things coursing through my mind. Forcing myself to create. But the lack of discipline and time escapes me. For discipline and time are often luxuries I have to save for the rest of life around me. Some of you may understand what I am saying, while others will not. But when committed to the care and protection of others. So often the time you need for yourself dissipates like a passing wind. Leaving you alone solving all the problems, while yours like so unanswered mail in the mailbox. Sorry I’m not giving out much of a love letter here. But like I said, I’ve struggling for days to pen anything. But my thoughts are flowing a little smoother now, with the creation of the very next word.