The Yoke you have to Bear

I find peace on this old weathered park bench. A brief respite from a world of endless decisions and walking on eggshells. I never thought life would stay this complicated. That every single decision would rest in my hands. Yet here I am, looking for any excuse just to get away and be on my own. I suppose I’m just being ungrateful for the life I have, the control it brings. But honestly, I’d trade it all to just live on my own terms and to have the freedom that alone gives 

To be surrounded by need is not a blessing, it is a burden I wouldn’t wish on anyone. When someone calls you a good caregiver, it only reminds you of the yoke you have to bear. God, I know this sounds bitter, like a selfish man wishing to live a spoiled life. But I can’t help myself but to think this way. Years of one-way conversations and the constant anger directed towards life. Makes all the work you put in seem pointless.
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So I write this in solitude surrounded by the silence of the water, boats pulling up to the ramp, and the popping of acorns under truck tires. The effortless motion of the waves, pulls me back to a time when things were a lot simpler. But just as the waves beat along the shore, the endless erosion reminds me of how the spirit pulls away. Leaving exposed roots of a life lived in servitude.