Sandra Saxon Burnsed
Pulled once again from a deep sleep. The house is quiet while Lisa’s sleeping peacefully, as well as, our daughter’s dog and cat. So here I am alone with thoughts that not so much troubling as they are familiar. Sometimes subjects swirl through my head like distance storms on the horizon. So tonight isn’t much different than it’s been before, it’s just that it’s been a while since this has happened. So as I usually do I pull out my phone bring up Word 365 app and type away.
Stirring through the fog that makes up my memories, I pull comfort from the knowledge that we all have common ground. But as an observer of human nature I also feel the pull of tribal tendencies which we all have. I worry about my neighbors and the wounds they may carry. The festering fears that cloud their minds. The fight or flight tendencies that form their anger and hate. Even I am not immune to these thoughts and prejudices. For we all have a part of us that longs to be safe.
Outside influences that are often not even in front of us create the fear we feel. The news, rumors, and now social media brings the fear of death and destruction to our doors. For centuries we could minimize it through the limited information we received. But in this modern world we are inundated with the news of a fallen world. Honestly for the most part these fears are real. So even in the quiet of most everyone’s nights, there are fearful dreams we relive again and again.
Fear was one of the first things that attacked my mind some 23 years ago. It was a crippling problem that I learned to hide well. But the silence took it’s toll on my body. Leaving me in the physical condition I am in today. But I’ve leaned to live with it, through mindfulness and soul searching meditation I have a greater understanding of my fears. More recently using complete candor, especially in my writing, has opened me up to an even freer focus of myself. By learning to stop hiding behind a mask of stoic discipline, I’ve freed myself of the chains of pride, fear, and indifference.
So as I look into the clouds of fear and angry all I can see is a world tearing itself apart. I could easily be one of the many that screams for destruction and revolution, but I am not. I am simply one that walks a path of introspection and hope. A hope that one day through all this chaos we’ll learn to clear our thoughts. To move beyond the instinct of fight or flight and build a world of collected understanding.
Stirring through the fog that makes up my memories, I pull comfort from the knowledge that we all have common ground. But as an observer of human nature I also feel the pull of tribal tendencies which we all have. I worry about my neighbors and the wounds they may carry. The festering fears that cloud their minds. The fight or flight tendencies that form their anger and hate. Even I am not immune to these thoughts and prejudices. For we all have a part of us that longs to be safe.
Outside influences that are often not even in front of us create the fear we feel. The news, rumors, and now social media brings the fear of death and destruction to our doors. For centuries we could minimize it through the limited information we received. But in this modern world we are inundated with the news of a fallen world. Honestly for the most part these fears are real. So even in the quiet of most everyone’s nights, there are fearful dreams we relive again and again.
Fear was one of the first things that attacked my mind some 23 years ago. It was a crippling problem that I learned to hide well. But the silence took it’s toll on my body. Leaving me in the physical condition I am in today. But I’ve leaned to live with it, through mindfulness and soul searching meditation I have a greater understanding of my fears. More recently using complete candor, especially in my writing, has opened me up to an even freer focus of myself. By learning to stop hiding behind a mask of stoic discipline, I’ve freed myself of the chains of pride, fear, and indifference.
So as I look into the clouds of fear and angry all I can see is a world tearing itself apart. I could easily be one of the many that screams for destruction and revolution, but I am not. I am simply one that walks a path of introspection and hope. A hope that one day through all this chaos we’ll learn to clear our thoughts. To move beyond the instinct of fight or flight and build a world of collected understanding.
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