Will Bud Again Soon
Finally after three days of grey and rainy skies, I’m sitting here enjoying a lovely cloudless day. The wind is sweeping from out of the southwest carrying with it the fresh scents of spring. I noticed the leaves coming out on the sycamore trees, meaning I’ll have a little shade soon. The poor old fig bush is still recuperating from the frost of a few weeks ago but hopefully it will bud again soon.
I’ve been kinda out of it the last few days. I think more than anything it’s been the crappy weather. But to be honest, it may have a lot to do with the seeds planted by my cardiologist, with his diagnosis that I needed a defibrillator implanted. That kinda shit plays with my head and of course with my fears. Each time I feel a bit of a heart flutter the paranoia sets in. I know I should know better, but for those of us that deal with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD); whatever issue triggers us the most is always there.
But from down the road I can hear the sound of a lawnmower and with it the sweet smell of fresh cut grass. So I breathe in the aroma. Telling myself to I understand the fear I feel. That no matter what, peace of mind comes from the understanding that life is how you make it. That you can either live it in dread or you can embrace it and learn from the journey. My hope is that we all learn compassion is the key, and that no matter what the trees will bud again soon.
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FD Thornton, Jr
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