Scars heal from liquid, to scabs, to harden skin. Closing the wound, but never really in the same way. We run through life covered with scars, some big, some small; but they all leave an indelible mark. Settling into a routine is simply a way life. For me routines are hard to give up once they are ingrained. Over the last twenty years, I’ve had to move from one routine to the next. All due to life altering health issues.
Two decades ago, it was my mental health. Just when things were coming together for me and my family. A new job, a brand-new home, my world came chasing in. This lead to a years long odyssey of finding myself again. All while dragging my family along for the ride. I don’t know if I’m expressing my experience well enough. But the shame, the envy, and the frustration were and still are hard to bear.
But once I felt like life was finally coming back together, my world changed yet again. After many years of living an unhealthy lifestyle along with the stress of my mental health issues. My heart had finally had enough. So with that have come six years of victories and defeats. Oddly enough through all this, I discovered that nothing really matters but what happens today. Through my mindfulness training and having to stare fear straight in the eye. A lot of the anxiety and frustration left me after that initial heart attack.
Even with the other health issues I currently have like my permanently damaged heart. The ever-present atrial fibrillation and muscular weakness. And of course, let’s not forget about my ongoing digestive issues. Despite whatever new thing interrupts of life, I eventually understand that I must live each moment as it comes. Despite the setbacks and the frustration, through it all, wounds heal.
Two decades ago, it was my mental health. Just when things were coming together for me and my family. A new job, a brand-new home, my world came chasing in. This lead to a years long odyssey of finding myself again. All while dragging my family along for the ride. I don’t know if I’m expressing my experience well enough. But the shame, the envy, and the frustration were and still are hard to bear.
But once I felt like life was finally coming back together, my world changed yet again. After many years of living an unhealthy lifestyle along with the stress of my mental health issues. My heart had finally had enough. So with that have come six years of victories and defeats. Oddly enough through all this, I discovered that nothing really matters but what happens today. Through my mindfulness training and having to stare fear straight in the eye. A lot of the anxiety and frustration left me after that initial heart attack.
Even with the other health issues I currently have like my permanently damaged heart. The ever-present atrial fibrillation and muscular weakness. And of course, let’s not forget about my ongoing digestive issues. Despite whatever new thing interrupts of life, I eventually understand that I must live each moment as it comes. Despite the setbacks and the frustration, through it all, wounds heal.
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